Of Water and Curse Words
by Loves-Chihuahuas
Summary: Ryuk meddled where he should not, and now anyone in the Kira investigation HQ is cursed! Cold water turns you into the opposite sex, warm turns you back. If you curse you de-age ten years, if you hear a curse, you age ten years. -On Hiatus-
1. Chapter 1

**Of Water and Cursewords**

**Summary: **Due to Ryuk meddling in The King shinigami's bathroom cabinet of magic, a curse is cast upon anyone who enters(or is in) the Kira investigation HQ. Unbeknownst to the team, they now have a curse inflicted on them that has some odd quirks for anyone who enters the building: **1.** If someone _hears_ a curse word, they age ten years; if they _say_ a curse word, the de-age by ten years.** 2.** If _cold_ water touches one's skin, they turn into the opposite sex; _warm_ water turns them back. How in the world will they cope, and what does a plunger have to do with breaking the curse!?

**Warning!:** Oh my goodness, a gender-switch and age-switch fic! OoO Hehehe, I don't write anything even remotely … romantic, and no smut ever, but his may have some funny, almost romantic moments ^w^ Oh, and about the **curse words:** I hate cursing(part of the reason for that part of the curse) so I will modify the curse words like so: S**t! A*s! B**ch! B*****d! F**k! H*ll!, etc. I hope you understand what those words are ^^'

**Important Info:** L and Light are chained together for fun w Light does not know he is Kira, and Ryuk is off being bored while he waits for Light to regain his memories, which is important! Oh, and it's multi-chapter! :D Um, and the water thing was inspired by ½ Raman.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note, nor ½ Raman, nor a magical bathroom cabinet, darn it! D}: (That's an angry moustache-man)

_**Of Water And Curse Words**_

_Ch1: T'was Ryuk and the toiletries_

Ryuk chuckled darkly to himself as he snuck into the secret bathroom of the Shinigami King. Why was he sneaking into the Shinigami King's personal bathroom? Because he was bored. Light was chained to that weird panda man, and until he regained his memories Ryuk was stuck finding his own amusement. Thus his current 'adventure.'

Floating around merrily, Ryuk laughed his hoarse, creepy laugh, "Hyuk, hyuk!" He didn't really have to go to the bathroom(only the Shinigami king of all the shinigamis needed to, it seemed) so he rummaged around in the cabinent under the sink to see what the old dude was hiding in there.

He found not the toilet paper and magazines he was expecting, but what appeared to be a variety of handsoaps. Raising an ugly shinigami eyebrow, Ryuk grabbed some and examined them. There was writing on the bottles, but it was in some strange language he didn't know… plus, reading was a pain. On a whim, he pumped a dozen or so of the multi-colored soaps into the palms of his hands and proceeded to wash them in the king's golden sink.

Nothing amazing happened, much to Ryuk's disappointment. He washed his hands and grumbled in disappointment, "Those humans in L's Kira Investigation Headquarters are probably more interesting than this…" He finished rinsing his hands and vacated the bathroom, not knowing that the combination of the magical soaps and his grumbling had set into motion what he would find to be most interesting…

_2:32pm, Kira Investigation HQ_

The workroom was a mess, to put it mildly. L was surrounded by sweets and pastries, and because of the chain, so was Light. Mogi was typing away diligently on his laptop while Matsuda shot furious looks at Aizawa over the top of his water bottle. Aizawa ignored the death glares Matsuda was sending him as he argued with M. Yagami about a file. Mr. Yagami, not interested with the file, was attempting to finish his conversation with the irate Aizawa to rescue his son from sugary doom. And Watari, sweet old Watari, was filling a teacup for himself while he watched the grumpy taskforce.

"Sir, this person could be an underling of Kira! Just look at the stats!" Aizawa shouted, brandishing the file emphatically.

"I hear you Aizawa, no need to shout," Mr. Yagami replied grumpily as he sidled over to where Light sat covered in sugary-treats.

"B-But sir! I know it's-" Aizawa fumbled, seeing he was clearly being dismissed.

"Not now, alright?" Mr. Yagami sighed, dusting a coating of sugar off the top of Light's head. Light grinned thankfully up at his father/rescuer.

"Ha-ha!" Matsuda whispered over his water bottle, just loud enough for a certain be-afroed man to hear.

"Rwar!" Aizawa roared as he tackled Matsuda to the ground. The water bottle he was holding was sent flying, spraying water as it arced through the air as if in slow motion. It was at that moment that up in the Shinigami world, Ryuk finished washing his hands, and the curse went into effect.

"Retarded a*swhole!" Aizawa yelled as he attempted to strangle the howling Matsuda.

"Lemme go! Lemme go! I'm allergic to afros!"

The water bottle landed in the midst of the sugar pile, but not before spraying on L and Light, miraculously missing Mr. Yagami, who was standing over Light.

All seemed normal as L ignored the water and Light made a face, but after 40 seconds, a pink cloud erupted and eveloped each of them, then disappear with a 'poof.'

The whole room stared at the sudden appearance and disappearance of the cloud, only to be distracted one more when Aizawa was enveloped in a yellow cloud and Matsuda in a grey cloud. Then both of those clouds disappeared.

In the 5 seconds it took for all four clouds to disappear, L became aware that he was distinctly uncomfortable…

Looking around, the first thing noticed by everyone in the room was Light. This was because, well, he had sprouted long hair…and boobs…and…he was… a… girl? Light felt everyone staring at him/her, and he looked around in confusion, and came to discover L's still unnoticed, painful situation: L had grown humongous-

"BEWBS!" L screeched in a high, piercing voice, pointing a long-nailed finger at L's now ample chest being pressed painfully against his knees, "You've got boobs, really, really big BEWBS!" Light sputtered, too amazed by L's bust to notice that he, now a she, had two(though much smaller) of his own.

He looked down in surprise at his DD's, murmuring calmly as he stood, revealing his Tsunade-like bosom, "Well, now I now what was hurting so much…"

Five nosebleeds simultaneously erupted. Ah, yes, commence the blood! XD

There was a moment of silence in which everyone gazed at L's… girls, including L himself(the guy just grew boobs, give him a break!). Then, as one, everyone looked over at Light, and his chest.

"Mine are smaller." Light said in a small voice. (Pffft!)

"…Shouldn't you be saying, ' why do we now have breasts?'" L intoned dully, poking his own quizzically (more blood).

"Uhhhh…yeah. But, wait, don't only _girls_ have…these things?" Light asked nervously, standing up from the candy pile as well.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Mr. Yagami, recovering from severe shock, interrupted, "what in the world is going on here! There were just a bunch of clouds in here and now you and L have…those things!" He gestured at 'those things' in an awkward sort of way, "It's as if you both turned into girls! Well, more like one pretty girl and one guy with big boobs!" Yes, Light looked very much the part of a pretty girl, while L looked completely unchanged except for the presence of boobs.

L blinked, then, being a genius, attempted to look down at his pants, only to be obstructed by his massive chest. Light too glanced nervously downwards, thinking along the same lines as L, '_If we are girls then we don't have…'_

L sighed, then glanced around the room, noticing for the first time that Aizawa and Matsuda looked… different. "Hey," He called to them, "Did you two just…change ages?"

"Huh?" was chorused by the two, and they both finally looked at each other, exclaiming, "Ah!"

"You-you're young!" Matsuda yelled at Aizawa, who indeed looked to be about 22 years old now.

"You're old!" Aizawa yelped, and yes, Matsuda looked about 34.

"What's going on here!?" Light demanded angrily, stamping his foot so he looked even more the part of an emotional girl, "A-and why am I crying!!?? Waaahhh ahhh ahh~!" he all but screamed, tears beginning to run down his face even in his shock (it's all part of being a girl :D)

"Ack! It's okay honey-I mean son-daughter-uh, um-ack!" Mr. Yagami exclaimed, attempting to comfort the bawling Light in his own state of bewilderment.

Matsuda and Aizawa went back to fighting, though this time Matsuda seemed to be winning due to his advanced age.

L was busy staring at his breasts, thumb pressed against his lips, not paying any mind to the chaos around him.

Mogi and Watari, forgotten in the excitement and horror, wiped away their bloody noses. Watari set his teacup aside, and Mogi roared, "SILENCE!"

All movement stopped, and all stared at the man who they had never heard raise his voice before.

"We need to get the facts straight here if we are going to make any sense of this," Watari said calmly, diverting everyone's attention from the large, stoic man, "alright, so let's see here…It appears that Matsuda has aged roughly ten years, Aizawa has become about ten years younger, correct?"

The two age-muddled men nodded blankly.

Watari looked over at the two new females and said, "Okay, so L and Light have both turned into girls…I think." Everyone stared intently at L and Light's pants, "Perhaps you both have just taken on the appearance of girls, so to be sure… it's best if you, ah, go _check things out."_ He hinted heavily.

Light blushed madly, and L simply grabbed Light's hand and declared, "Let's go see, shall we, if we are Misses or Misters?" and dragged him to the bathroom.

Once out of sight, five nosebleeds erupted once more…

The still startled and emotional Light was shoved unceremoniously by L and his boobs(literally, his boobs shoved him) into the nearest bathroom and locked the door. The two geniuses faced each other nervously for a moment then faced away from one another.

Light took a deep breath and pulled down his pants and underwear, as L did his own.

"AAA AIIIIIIIAA AAAAA AAAAHHH IIIIII EEEEE!!! IT'S GOOOONNNEEEE! IT'S GOOOONE TI'S GONE IT'S GONE IT'S GONE IT'S GONE IT'S GONE IT'S GONE IT'S G-_SMACK!"_ Was heard by the disturbed and bloody team.

Light crumpled to the floor from the force of L's slap and began to cry anew, "Waaahhh~!"

L sighed as he pulled up his pants, "Well, at least we won't have to stand anymore, Light-kun, I mean _chan_."

"WAAAAHHH~!" _SMACK!,_ "Oooowwww!"

"Pull up your pants, Light-chan, that doesn't interest me anymore."

"EEP!"

_END of ch1!_

Soooo, like it? XD I laughed so much when I wrote it! Oh man, this is gonna be great! Hahahaha! You know, I've never used the word 'boob' so much. :D Haha, well, tell me what you think, and I'll try to get a new chapter up as soon as possible. Haha, so, next chapter is going to be even more fun! :#3

Huh, you know, I've been abused by other girls' boobs too, so I feel Light's pain XD PFFFFTTT! Muhahahaha, I'm sorry, but I'm just loving writing this!

Please R&R! But, please no flames that would make me not want to write


	2. Chapter 2

**Of Water and Curse Words: Ch 2**

**Summary: **Due to Ryuk meddling in The King shinigami's bathroom cabinet of magic, a curse is cast upon anyone who enters(or is in) the Kira investigation HQ. Unbeknownst to the team, they now have a curse inflicted on them that has some odd quirks for anyone who enters the building: **1.** If someone _hears_ a curse word, they age ten years; if they _say_ a curse word, the de-age by ten years.** 2.** If _cold_ water touches one's skin, they turn into the opposite sex; _warm_ water turns them back. How in the world will they cope, and what does a plunger have to do with breaking the curse!?

I'm not going to be switching from him to her, himself to herself in this for the comical effect

Oh, and about the **curse words:** I hate cursing(part of the reason for that part of the curse) so I will modify the curse words like so: S**t! A*s! B**ch! B*****d! F**k! H*ll!, etc. I hope you understand what those words are ^^'

**For **_**info, warnings,**_** and **_**disclaimers,**_** see Ch1!**

**OH! And send me any ideas you think would be fun to see in this story! I might not use them all, but they usually give me good ideas of what you guys want ;D**

_**Of Water and Curse Words**_

_Ch2: Angry-Woman Rage and Fights_

Sniffling, Light rightened himself—er, that is, _herself-- _and pulled up his pants, which now fit oddly due to the presence of slight curves.

L stood by the sink, looking down his shirt at his… new appendages. "What, besides milk, are the point in these things…?" he muttered to himself.

Light, wiping at his face, came to join L by the sink and examined himself in the mirror. He sighed slightly in relief at his reflection; he was just as attractive as ever, except in a girl form now. There was only one thing bothering him about his appearance…

"Light-chan is flat chested." L stated, tearing his eyes away from his own bust to stare at Light's.

Light blushed and sputtered, "N-no I am not! I just-they're-" he wrenched at the collar of his shirt and gazed down at his chest to make sure, "…They're just…they're there, and that's all that matters!" He finished in a huff.

L cocked his head to one side and wondered aloud, "Light-chan is more worried about the size of his breasts than the fact that he just turned into a female?"

Light blinked, then snarled, "You were the one who said I was flat-chested, so yo-"

"I was just stating a fact, and an obvious one at that." L droned, opening the door and dragging Light out before he had a chance to attack him, verbally or otherwise. L walked in his hunch down the hallway, thinking to himself with each step, "I really need a bra…I see now that they are indeed useful." Light caught up and walked behind, holding his arms self-consciously in front of his chest.

L walked into the workroom, his straining shirt preceding him. Glancing around, he saw the five men gathered in the room staring at him and Light, who he could feel standing nervously behind him.

Watari cleared his voice and asked simply, "Well?"

L sighed slightly and was about to respond when a honey-colored blur rushed past him, wailing, "WE'RE GIRLS! WAAAAHHHH!" L watched, dumbfounded, as Light launched himself at his father, screeching and bawling and demanding to be comforted.

L exchanged a bemused glance with Watari and Mogi, and Matsuda whispered anxiously to Aizawa, "Does this mean they have hoo-hoos instead of goo-goos?" XD(yeah, Stuart reference :D)

Mr. Yagami held the emotional Light with a blank look on his face, evidently trying to process this all. He looked down at Light and murmured in a carrying whisper of horror, "Oh God, another one that turns into a monster every month..?"

L mentally face-palmed, thinking, "_Great, how could I have forgotten something like that? I'm going to have __**menstrual cycles**__…Lovely."_

Matsuda and Aizawa held looks of sympathy, not for the two boys turned girls, but for the police chief. Faintly annoyed at them all, L walked calmly over to Watari and murmured a few words to the man, who left shortly after.

With that, L made his way over to his armchair, ignoring the emotional bundle that was the Yagamis, and sat down, attempting to crouch as normal. Finding himself once more in pain due to his boobs pressing painfully into his kneecaps, he settled for sitting cross-legged, which only increased his brain function by 20% rather than the 40% of his preferred position.

He frowned slightly, giving his cleavage an annoyed look, and reached over for a piece of strawberry cheesecake sitting on the small table next to him. However, he miscalculated his aim, due somewhat to his new sitting position and a whole lot to his bust being in the way, and knocked the delicious plate of sugary goodness to the floor where it landed with a tinkling of shattered china. The team looked up at the sound of breaking plate ware.

L breathed hard through his nose, feeling some strange new emotion rise within him from his new woman hormones, and half-shouted, "I hate you!" down at his bosom, which rose and fell impressively in the passion of his knew emotion called angry-woman rage(much different from normal rage). "You killed my cake, leave now!" He then glowered down at his breasts and attempted to…make them go away…by…poking and prodding them. 'O.o

A loud thump was heard, and L looked up in surprise from his attack on his offender members to find four bloody-faced coworkers, a teary-eyed Light, and an unconscious Aizawa, lying face-down on the floor in a puddle of blood. L was a bit surprised that it had been Aizawa, not Matsuda, who passed out…but, then again, Aizawa was now the youngest male present.

"I suppose constitution increases with age." L mused, already back to himself (mood swings).

Mogi wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve and asked L in a low, serious voice, "L, please don't…touch them around us, please. It just might kill us."

L sighed and nodded his head slightly, "I really don't see the attraction anymore; they're just in the way. There's nothing special about them." Off to the side of the room, Matsuda shook his head vehemently in disagreement.

Light staggered up from his father's awkward embrace and walked over to sit on a couch by L, resting his head on his arms, "How the heck did this happen?" he asked in a muffled voice from behind his arms.

"That is what I was just getting to." L stated monotonously, just as a red light flashed in the room and a clanging was heard, along with a voice over the PA system that sounded suspiciously like Watari's, "_So sorry for the inconvenience, but the building will have to be put into lock-down mode to quarantine the potentially contagious virus that may or may not be in the building_." The clanging increased, and everyone in the building knew that sheets of metal were sliding into place over the exits, barricading them inside HQ.

"A virus?" Mr. Yagami croaked.

"Yes," L informed him dully, "That is one current theory I have for this odd, ah, incident, so for the safety of the public and those in the building, we will remained quarantined in the building until we find out what exactly happened."

"Oh, my…" Mogi murmured, taking a seat next to his co-workers and the now-recovered Aizawa on the other couch.

Light lifted his head from his arms and asked in a strained voice, "What do you mean, a _virus_? It's clearly something out of this world-aliens, voodoo, magic, something like that!"

Sensing an argument coming on, the four policemen sat quietly on their couch, watching the two girls a bit too intently(pervs).

L snorted faintly, clearly thinking Light's intelligence had left him, "Light-chan, I understand that the transition from male to emotional and flat-chested female might be trying for you, but that is no reason to act so dim-witted. Magic, aliens, the occult, it's all nonsense."

Light sniffed in hurt, then bit back indignantly, "L, open your bulging eyes! A virus or some other normal explanation deosn't fit! Nothing normal can turn two guys into girls and manipulate the ages of two men! It's other-wordly!"

L slowly turned his head to face Light fully, an eerie look in his eyes, "Really, Light-chan, _otherworldly?_ Like the power to kill people with only a face and a name? Isn't it odd that Light-chan of all people would suggest something so clearly linked to Kira?"

Light bristled and swung his head in anger, his long honey hair fanning, "You stupid big-boobed bimbo, I am not Kira! I only said that it was something weird! I also ssuggested _aliens_, does Kira happen to be an _alien!?"_

L cocked his head to one side and replied, "How would you know Kira is an alien unless you yourself are Kira, Alien-chan?"

Light's face flamed, "I'm not an alien!"

"Fine then, Kira-chan."

"I'M NOT KIRA!" Light screeched, launching himself at L.

Light attempted to slap and scratch the crap outta L for a few moments before he untangled his legs from their unusual cross-legged position and landed a swift kick to L's stomach.

Light flew back, momentarily winded from the attack. Instead of crying, as L expected, given Light's recent behavior as a girl, Light rightened himself an let out a snarl. L's eyes widened slightly as Light pounced, sending the armchair and both girls crashing backwards onto the floor.

L, pinned underneath Light, struggled to free his arms as Light began to hit him a bit pathetically(sissy girl Light w) Finally freeing his arms, L grappled an dwrestled his Light, rolling across the floor. Finally pinning Light, L slapped him hard across the face, arresting all movement from the latter.

In that moment of stillness, L could swear he could her blood leaking from four noses.

Looking down at Light warily to see what his next move would be in his new state, L regarded Light cagily. Light turned his head to face L, having had his face slapped with enough force to turn it towards the floor. He stared up at the detective for a moment, then his eyes filled with tears and he sobbed, "_I'm sorry L-chan!_" and bawled pathetically.

L internally sighed in frustration and clambered off of Light to sit down next to him on the floor cross-legged. Not knowing what else to do, he patted Light awkwardly on the shoulder. In response, Light embraced L fiercely, sobbing and gurgling pitifully, "_You're my BFF, and I hit you! I'm so sorry, I'm sorrrrryyyyyyy! Waahh~"_. Before he knew it, Light had somehow managed to climb into L's lap and snuggled close, mewling, "_We shouldn't fight, it's terrible, it's evil, like men, we're not evil, I forgive you for calling me an alien, an-and wah ahhhh ah waaaahhhh…~!"_

L sat there with a bored look on his face, his arms loosely around his so-called 'BFF,' wondering when to tell Light to stop squeezing against his bosom so painfully. Paaaiiiiiinnnnnn… T-T

Two thumps were heard in the background…

Thankfully for L, Light was removed from his person by a very bloody-faced Mr. Yagmai, "Enough of that, already!" he half-yelped, picking Light up and dragging him as far away from L as the chain would allow.

Thankful but confused, L looked around in confusion, which was a rare emotion for him. "Ah," he said, seeing the bodies of Matsuda and Aizawa, out cold on the floor, "they found that…entertaining…didn't they?" Mogi, sitting on the couch and taking deep breaths, looked ready to join them. Mogi, Mr. Yagami, and Light, the only conscious ones in the room to hear him, looked over at him.

Finding only one set of eyes reach up to his face, and those belonging to Light, L found himself feeling slightly uncomfortable for perhaps the first time in his life,"Hmmm… you are all perverts, aren't you?" L asked dully, sitting back down in his chair.

Mr. Yagami and Mogi blushed and looked away, only to look aback a few moments later. Light sniffled from his new position by his father, rubbing a hands gingerly over the hand-print on his face.

One uncomfortable half-hour later, and Watari reappeared, rolling in a large cart piled with boxes.

L's eyes lit up at the sight of the boxes and he shuffled forward eagerly towards the cart.

"What's in those boxes?" Matsuda, revived long before, asked curiously, his increased age evidently not enough to curb his naturally eager nature.

L started opening the boxes, one after another, evidently looking for something in particular.

Watari held up a clipboard and answered, "One box of chocolates, one box of female underwear, one box of chocolates, one box of tampons, one box of pads, three boxes of female clothes(assorted sizes and styles), one box of bras(assorted sizes), one box of children's clothes(assorted sizes), one box of baby supplies, one box of-"

"WAIT, WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BABIES?" Mr. Yagami suddenly interrupted with a strangled cry, "WHO'S PREGNANT!!??" He clutched Light protectively to his chest and growled at all the males assembled, "ALRIGHT, WHO DID IT?! I'LL KEEEELLLL YYYOOOUUUUU!!" He, for some reason, stared daggers at Aizawa. O.O'

Watari sighed slightly in aspiration, explaining calmly, "No one is pregnant, we just have these on hand in case anyone de-ages again and happens to become an infant. It was a possibility we had to account for."

-Blink-"Ohhhh…." One awkward moment later…

"Aha!" L announced in an oddly triumphant monotone, holding up a lacy bra happily. Five faces turned red, and Light skipped happily over to the boxes.

"Where's a blue one? I want a blue one!" Light chirped happily, digging through the box with L.

L threw the smaller bras behind him, covering the motionless team with colorful bras, searching for the larger ones capable of supporting his well-endowed features. Light finally found a blue bra and held it up happily for L to see. L snatched it away and threw it behind him, where it landed on Matsuda's head, A-cups covering his face.

"You don't need it." L intoned emotionlessly.

Light looked as though someone had slapped him. Tearing up, Light stamped his foot angrily for the second time that day and exclaimed, "We're not BFF's anymore, you B**ch!"

40 seconds later, seven 'poof's were heard, and seven clouds enveloped the room, six grey and one yellow…

The smoke cleared, revealing six people aged ten years older than they had just been a few moments ago; one very old, one dangerously old, two middle-aged, and one restored to his original age as of the morning. And to cap it all off a little 7-year old girl stood holding a bra, looking confused about the boxes that suddenly blocked her vision…

END of Ch2!

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN! Oh, a cliffie! Sorta. ^^' Like it? Sorry for focusing so much on the gender change part(and L's boobs), but now the age delimma is starting… you didn't think I'd let uber-old Watari off the hook, did you? I'm too ruthless for that! Yes, a tiny girl with a penname of 'Loves-Chihuahuas' is viscious. w

**A note: **The way L and Light made up is very much the way I have seen and personally experienced making up with my friends(girls, ofcourse) after verbal or physical spats, and nothing weird was meant by it…though, that didn't stop the taskforce from thinking(or rather, imagining) otherwise.

**Another Note: **Fir the characters who seem OOC(especially Light), stop and think about their situation, please.

Hehe, it's gonna get good now! Genders and ages flying every which way, and what happens when Misa complicates matters? O.O Yous gots to review and look out for the new chappie to find out.

R&R, my hopefully chuckling friends!


	3. Chapter 3

Squee! It's meh! w Next Chappie, you asked, so here I am to supply it in a state of semi-consciousness!

For **warnings and disclaimers**, please see the first chapter, my little dumplings.

Important Info: Remember that L and Light are chained together still! And remember, no one, not even Light, can hear nor see nor feel Ryuk! He is undetectable to those in HQ…well, maybe not completely…but, I don't want to spoil things for you ;) Oh, and keep in mind that I will refer to all the characters as there origional gender to avoid confusion—ex, Light will always be referred to as 'he.'

_**Of Water and Curse Words Ch 3**_

_Subtitle: Remain Calm, and the ' F*ck' word_

Well, where we last left off, seven clouds had erupted in the workroom six grey, one yellow…

The clouds cleared, leaving no evidence of a fire, but one very strange scene to a certain shinigami who happened to wonder in through the wall at that moment.

Ryuk, who had come to the Kira investigation building in search of some intertainment in the form of two very male geniuses fighting, found himself wondering if he had mistaken his last apple for acid.

Ryuk stumbled on thin air, if that is even possible, as he gazed down on to one of the strangest thing he had ever seen, eyes twitching and grin widening as he absorbed every second of it.

The humans below were steadying themselves, coughing slightly as the clouds disappeared. Bulging, inhuman eyes landed on L's emerging figure, and an invisible spout of blood erupted from his vertical nostril as he 'hyuk'ed uncontrollably, "I like him better like this!" the dark shinigami howled, rolling through the air to hover inches above a certain detective for a better view.

L blinked his dark eyes, immediately noting that he felt…different. Almost frightened, he gazed down at his chest quickly, fearing that it might have swelled even larger. Nope. He let out a small sigh of relief and looked around to assess what had just happened…

Five men clambered up from their positions on the floor in various states of age and fatigue, more confused than ever.

Light squinted up at the now towering cart, confused not for the first time that day. Noticing that he was sitting, he rightened himself, thinking that it would remedy the height situation. Upon standing, however, he found that the cart still remained in his view. He huffed and attempted to cross his arms indignantly at the insanity of the world that day—that is, he _tried_ to. Looking down in anger, he found that his shirt was now huge!

Light squawked and shook his arms angrily, but stopped when he found his squawk to be more of a squeak. Being a rather intelligent young man-now girl- Light new that some dreaded new change had befallen him, and he turned to face the reflective faces of the dark monitors behind him in horror. The resulting squeal caused all humans and one shinigami in the vacinity to wince in pain.

Mr. Yagami, now completely gray with white peaking at his temples, attempted to hurry over to his son's side, only to find that his pace was considerably slowed. Light, honey, what's wrong?!" He called in a hoarse voice, surprising himself

Finally finding his way past the cart of boxes, Mr. Yagami grasped his heart and attempted to calm himself. "_I'm little_!" Light wailed, crying in his new little-girl form on the floor, swamped in his former 'big-boy' clothes. Ryuk laughed obscenely at Light's predicament, unheard by all, and continued to hover over L, seemingly quite content with his position.

His heart weakened enough from the terrible day, Mr. Yagami, grasped the cart tightly and attempted to calm the hysterical 7-year-old now banging her fists on the floor. "A-at least you're cute!" Not quite expecting that to work, Mr. Yagami was surprised when Light ceased his emotional rampage and looked up with watery eyes.

"R-really?" He asked plaintively.

"Yes, of course! The cutest thing in the world!" Mr. Yagami gabbled, pleased beyond words that the crying had stopped.

"If we may get back to business," a robotic voice interrupted smoothly, and the Yagamis turned as one to see an older L supporting a dangerously old Watari with the help of an older Matsuda.

"I have a theory as to what has happened, but we need to sit down and watch these tapes, though." L stated blandly as Matsuda helped him to ease Watari into a chair.

L then selected a particular tape from the box on the cart and popped it into the player.

Light sniffed and allowed himself to sit between L, who held the remote, and his father on the couch, Matsuda Aizawa and Mogi resting on the other.

Popping his eyes wide open, Light squeaked suddenly, "Hey! You guys got older!" He gestured around the group for emphasis with his small hands.

L nearly face-palmed and resisted insulting the now-child Light, muttering, "Oi, he's still in preoperations*, isn't he?"

With a deep sigh, L pressed play, but then immediatelt stopped it. He glared around the room in an uncharacteristically threatening way, "I just wanted to state before I play this that no one, under any circumstances, is allowed to curse in any way shape or form. Is that clear?" The befuddled team nodded in assent, and L pressed play once more.

Static appeared on the screen as the team viewed the footage from earlier that day, not an hour and a half ago. Subscripts appeared on the screen in place of actual voices, due to L muting the tape. _L, Light and Mr. Yagami were gathered around L's mass of sugar on the ground, Mogi and Watari stood idly off to a side of the room, and Matsuda and Aizawa argued loudly from over by the computers. _L watched the tape intently as he and the team watched the familiar scene play out. _Matsuda laughed under his breath on the tape, and Aizawa leapt at him with a war cry, attempting to strangle him why yelling, "You stupid a*swhole!" Matsuda's water bottle went flying, landing on Light and L. Forty seconds later, one grey cloud enveloped Matsuda, and one yellow cloud enveloped Aizawa. Ten seconds after that, a pink cloud covered L at the same time a pink cloud an identical one did Light. The grey and yellow clouds disappeared, and ten seconds after that, the two pink clouds vanished, revealing four very changed individuals._

L stopped the tape, then play it over three more times.Finally, he ejected it and held it in his hand thoughtfully. He looked up at the still confused and bored team, "I think I have reached the solution to at least one of the problems…yes, I'm 96.345% sure…"

The team stared at L as he gazed intently down at the nondescript tape in his hands.

"…It seems, that somehow, though it is not at all logical…_something_ happened to the people in this building, where if one utters a profanity, they de-age about ten years, and if one speaks a profanity, they age about tens years. It makes no sense, but that's what all the evidence points to."

The team stared at L like this: OoO'

Mtasuda murmured weakly, "Holy shi-" only to have L clamp his hand tightly over his mouth, his impressive bosom pressed uncomfortably(for L) into Matsuda's chest. Ryuk twitched uncontrollably from his position hovering over L, and inviible blood gushed out of his nostrils, shooting through L's head like a ghost through a wall. L shuddered slightly, wondering what had caused him to feel so cold all of a sudden…

"Do. Not. CURSE." L ground out, "You could **kill** Watari." Matsuda nodded violently, and L removed his hand, only to have a large amount of blood squirt into his face. "Lovely…" L sighed, wiping his face on his sleeve.

Light looked wide-eyed at L, then squeaked, "Wait! If you need to hear a curseword to age, and say one to de-age, then could this be…reversed? And how did we become girls!?"

L brought his thumb to his lips with some difficulty, then answered, "I believe so, but we need to try it…so, everyone will go into a different room, with the exception of you and me, Light." L announced to the room at large.

Laying a gentle hand on Watari's shoulder, he continued, "Watari will stay here, while the rest of us leave. Once in our respective rooms, alone, where we will not be able to hear each other, we will each say ONE curseword aloud, and only one. With any luck, we will all de-age back to our normal selves. Matsuda will have to say TWO cursewords, since he has now aged twenty years. Aizawa will, of course, not say any cursewords, but wait until the signal is given via the intercom system to come back to the workroom. Light-chan will not speak a curseword, but listen as I speak one so she will age while I de-age. Got it?"

Nods all around. "Alright then, let's do this on separate floors, just to be safe." L said, tugging on the chain connecting Light to him as they left Watari sitting in the workroom.

Once all were safely locked away in separate rooms on separate floors, everyone took a deep breath, then did as they were instructed.

Matsuda: "Sh*t, b*tch!"

Mr. Yagami: "Um, B*stard?"

Mogi: "A*s….hehe."

Aizawa: "…I'm not allowed to curse D:"

Watari: "Oh my, well, let's see…F*ck!"

Finally, L and Light: "Light-chan, please listen very closely. Are you listening? Good. H*ll." Ryuk laughed a sickening laugh as he watched clouds appear, one invisible one encircling himself.

On five different levels, fours yellow clouds and one grey cloud appeared forty seconds after the cursewords were spoken, leaving everyone at the intended age, just as L had predicted.

But, there was one little problem …"F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck~!" A younger and younger voice sang until it reached the tenor of a young male in his prime.

L pushed the intercom button from where he and Light had locked themselves in at, the control room, and instructed everyone, "Please return to the workroom now to see if everyone's experiment was a success…And remember, do NOT curse anymore."

A smooth, accented voice snickered from another floor, "yep, I don't need to curse anymore, so no more cursing! Heheheheh…!"

Many cries of relief as taskmembers entered the elevator at various levels and rode to the workroom. L smiled in relief, glad that everything had gone without a hitch

For once that day.

The taskforce entered the workroom, all smiles now, and L went to sit down in his favorite armchair, ready to discuss how they might go about reversing the effects of the gender-switch. L made to sit down, and he did, but the only problem was, it wasn't in the chair—it was in someone's lap. More precisely, he sat down in some-ones muscular lap while the mystery person wrapped strong arms around his waist and kissed the top of his head. "Mmm, Miss L, you smell of strawberries," came a wonderfully British-accented voice.

Gasps were heard as the rest of the team came upon the scene, and Ryuk laughed even more loudly.

L's eye twitched at the unwanted contact, and he craned his neck upward to see who his would-be embracer was. L's face went even more blank than usual as he stared up into a pair of handsome hazel eyes set into an even more handsome, rugged English face, complete with a thatch of curling chestnut hair and a charming grin that bordered on scandalous.

It was then, as L stared up at the man who he had sat his very woman-butt on, that L's face did something it very well might have never done before in his life; it turned red, and he felt himself become somewhat dizzy as his brilliant mind came to the only possible conclusion as to who this handsome man could be.

Dear lord, Watari was hot.

END of Ch 3!

Author's Notes:

Oooohhh, a cliffie! w Yes, I made Watari hot! SQUUUEEEEE! Dear lord, what will happen now? Especially when Misa finally makes an appearance? And, now that the taskforce knows what it takes to age and de-age, what antics will they get up to?! Do the rules apply to Ryuk? And will L tell them how the gender-switch works? Is Watari a pervert? Are we all!?

Find out all this and more, in chapter 4, coming to a fanfic near you this…lifetime! XD Lol, review and I'll get it done quicker…maybe. w

OH! I made Watari about 88 in this story, so he went from 88 to 98, then back to 88, then 78, 68, 58, 48, 38, and now…28.

*Preoperations refers to the Piagetian( Piaget is the theorist who came up with this) stage of development where a child is still bound by their own view of the world, and cannot imagine the world from anyone else's point of view. No abstract thinking, no conservation of matter, and no a lot of other things I'm too tired to list…. Usually lasts from 18 mos/2yrs to 5yrs/7yrs. Depends on the child. Educational psychology, great fun XD Haha, Light's a late bloomer XD


	4. Chapter 4

Of Water and Cursewords Ch 4!

For disclaimers, warnings, and summary, please see Ch1

Important Info: Alrighty, now they all know how to age and de-age everyone. Everyone is back to their origional age (except Ryuk, who aged ten years, but whatever), but Watari purposefully made himself 28 again. Ryuk is still hovering around enjoying the chaos. L and Light are still chained together, and are still female. No one, except perhaps L, knows how the gender-switch happened. –whew—

_**Of Water and Curse Words Ch 4**_

_Subtitle: Hawt and Nawt_

L gaped as he looked up into the chisled features of the Englishman who currently embraced him.'_Dear Lord,' _he thought to himself blankly as the newly de-aged man grinned down with possibly slightly immoral intentions, '_Watari's hot.' _

"Well, well, " Watari rumbled pleasantly, "Miss L, you seem to have taken me for a pillow." L blushed for, in all probable honesty, the second time in his life and that day.

"Uh, um.." L managed, aware that he was terribly out of character for the second time that day (woman rage ring a bell?), "s-sorry."

Ryuk hovered above the hilariously suggestable scene, not happy for once since entering HQ. He grumbled at the young-old-man's proximity to his now dubbed 'preciouses.'…_'they're like apples, but for eyes instead of stomachs,'_ he thought dazedly.

The once-more floored team stood awkwardly to the side, watching the world's top three detectives be made all-a-flutter by _Watari_ of all people. Let it be said once more, just to make sure: _Watari_ made the robotic and unemotional L blush. Twice.

Light, tired of standing behind his still over-protective father and wanting to see what in the world was making everyone gawk, pushed his petite form out from behind Mr. Yagami and strode the few feet over to where the chain still connecting him to the panda led.

Light walked around the tall armchair, intending to ask L when he would explain how they turned into girls (and when he'd finally put a bra on), and came to the same sight as all the other males in the room, with one big exception—his eyes stayed on the Englishman.

Light's honey eyes widened, an d he worded soundlessly at the strange, handsome man cuddling a very uncomfortable L. He saw the still unknown man's hands around L's waist, and he let out a squeak. The man raised his head from where it was lowered down, smiling at L, and looked up at Light with mirthful, hazel eyes. Light squeaked once more and flushed crimson.

"Oh, so glad to see you back to your rightful age Miss Light." Watari intoned in a very manly voice (running out of descriptions…)

"Yes!" Light yelped, "and , uhm, how do you know me…?" Though smitten with the stranger, Light's intelligent mind was still working, and so he knew that this man could not have known him as a girl…

Watari titled his head to own side and raised an auburn eyebrow impressively, then laughed. L and Light shivered at the deep, rich, British laugh, suddenly envisioning soccer players and secret agents… Watari shifted L on his lap, ignoring the detective's slight panic at more contact, and settled the panda more comfortably on his lap.

"Why, Light-chan, I'm hurt!" Watari said in afaked toned of mirthful scandal, "After bringing you and L-chan your food and keeping this place running for all these months, and you can't recognize an old English bloke! Oi, my heart is dying!" He sighed a stage sigh and feigned fainting over L.

Light's blush intensified, and L looked wide-eyed out from underneath Watari's muscular frame. One wide black eye twitched.

"Watari?" Light gasped, suddenly feeling distinctly as though his mind needed a good washing, "But-but, y-y-y-y-y-y-ou're , you're y-young!" Light stuttered impressively in his soft voice, a green tinge quickly replacing the red on his face.

Watari rightened himself and replied with a grin, "Ah, so you do remember me!"

"Well, what about you, sweet maiden? Do you know who I am?" He redirected his gaze down at L's disheveled form, looking expectantly at the big-chested girl sprawled on his lap. "I certainly remember you, Miss L," he purred. L twitched as Watari brought his face a bit closer and slipped a hand a bit higher up his waist towards somethings that a certain shinigami referred to as his 'preciouses'. L's mind swiftly returned to it's nuclear-forced state of precision, and he did something he never though in his lifetime he'd have to do; he kicked Watari.

L's foot connected with an impressive 'SMACK' with Watari's chiseled chin, propelling L away from the man. L landed smoothly next to Light, holding an arm protectively over his chest and twitching slightly. Ryuk cheered and rolled through the air, doing an invisible victory dance.

The armchair toppled over, and the men standing on the sidelines finally had a proper view of the young Watari. Matsuda blinked, then asked uncertainly, "Is that…old-moustache-man?" the resulting blow to the back of his head by Aizawa confirmed it.

Mogi strode forward and helped Watari up. Said man got to his feet and put a hand gingerly to the foot-print on his chin, "Whoo, got some spunk, that gal does! Just the way I like em."

"Ice!" Matsuda shouted randomly once he noticed the pain the other man was in, and ran off to the kitchen.

Mr. Yagami, having a daughter—scratch that, TWO daughters—quickly analysed the situation and turned to frown at Watari. "Stay away from my daughter," he said in a low voice without preamble, drawing the other man's gaze.

Watari gave him a confused look and replied, "I've never had any intentions to…_pursue_ any of your daughters."

Mr. Yagami shifted slightly and patted a hand discreetly over his gun holster, and said nonchalantly, "Oh, that's good. I just wanted to be clear about everyone's intentions is all." Watari very nearly sweat-dropped.

The two ladies of the story, meanwhile, had retreated with the cart to the opposite side of the room. Light did not complain as L had tugged sharply on the chain and dragged them both, along with the cart, over to a discreet corner of the room.

"Please pick out a bra, Light-chan. Now. It is evident they are needed for more than one reason." L informed him Light in a slightly higher voice than normal. Understanding as only another guy turned girl could, Light quickly gave L a brief hug and picked up the fallen blue A-cup bra while L grabbed the first DD he saw.

"Come on, quickly Light-chan," L murmured, hurrying in his slouch to the door and exiting without incident. One run to the bathroom later, and L and Light had locked the door. L collapsed onto the closed lid of the toilet seat and stared at the bra in his hands. Light sat primly down on the side of the tub and waited.

Outside, Ryuk bounced continuously off the door, unable to enter the bathroom for some odd reason. Bored and missing his 'preciouses,' he went to see if he could enter any of the other bathrooms.

"I," L began slowly, "…Light-chan, do you wish to remain a female?"

Light blinked in surprise and answered instantly, "No, of course not! I'm miserable! I had it so good as a guy, I can't believe I never realized…" he trailed off looking over to where L sat, looking unusually sad.

"L," Light asked softly, "do you want to stay a girl?"

L averted his gaze and fiddled with the bra in his hands, choosing not to answer and instead saying in his robotic voice, "What do you think of Watari?"

Light looked sympathetically at L, knowing the reason for the questions now. Light stood and took off his shirt and attempted to put on a bra for the first time, "Well, when I first saw him, in his new young-guy body, I thought he was very attractive. But, when I found out that he was Watari, I just wasn't interested anymore, don't know why. I guess I like mysterious men I've never met before."

Light danced around in a circle, trying in vain to clasp his bra in the back and failing. L got up from the toilet after a moment more and attached the clasp for Light. "Strangers, huh?" L murmured.

Without another word, L shrugged off his shirt and put on his own bra, requiring help to attach his own as well despite his amazing intellect. Bras, go figure.

L sat back down on the closed toilet seat lid and motioned for Light to sit back down on the side of the tub. "I have a theory," L said monotonously, now completely back to his old self, "as to how we became female."

Light stared at L in deep anticipation, nodding violently for him to go on.

"Like I said, it's only a theory… Well, it seems that whatever made it possible for us in HQ to age and de-age by use of cursewords, also makes those in HQ turn female, but not by use of cursewords." L paused to nibble thoughtfully on his thumb.

"Well then, what does?" Light prompted impatiently.

L raised his eyes to Light and continued, "It would seem, from the security tapes, that it has something to do with water."

*********

Down in the kitchen, Matsuda finished filling a bag with ice from the refrigerator. One last ice cube, however, fell to the floor, and he bent down to pick it up…

*********

"What?" Light exclaimed, mentally going over the scene in his head, "you mean that, when Matsuda's water bottle sprayed on you and me, it was that that made us..?"

"Yes, " L replied, "I believe so. The water, in some form or another, is the key to this gender-swap mystery."

Light jumped up happily and rushed to the sink, "The solution is easy, then!" He chirped, and turned the cold water on full-blast. He stuck his hands under the jet and began to wet his face. He stood back and closed his eyes tightly….

And, forty seconds later… no cloud appeared. L got up and poked Light's bra, illiciting a still squeaky-yell, and sighed, "You are still female, Light-chan. I told you, water is the _key_, not the entire answer."

Light buried his still-girl face into L's bosom and wailed, mourning that he no longer cared about the breasts in front of him

******

In the kitchen, Matsuda bent down and picked up the cold icecube, bouncing it in his palm merrily. Forty seconds later, and a pink cloud surrounded him.

****

The men in the workroom heard the wail from the bathroom on that floor, and Mr. Yagami sighed, "That'll be mine."

"Who's?" a new voice asked, from the doorway. With an internal groan, all heads turned to face the newcomer.

"Misa," Aizawa sighed, "This place is locked up and surrounded by many layers of metal. How did you get in here?"

Misa cocked her head to one side and asked in a voice of confusion, "What do you mean 'get-in', Afro-man? Misa has been here for hours, doing her makeup on the first-floor bathroom so she could look pretty for her Lighty-poo!"

Aizawa twitched, and Mr. Yagami and Watari shuddered together, not wanting to hear the resulting scream when Misa found out that Light was no longer capable of being her 'boyfriend.'

*****

In the bathroom, Light finally stopped bawling when L threatened to kick him, and they made their way back to the workroom…

*****

In the kitchen, pink clouds disappeared, leaving a figure on the floor, moaning softly as it held its head in its hands from where it banged on the lenolium floor. Clothes swamped around them, the person rose on unsteadily, grabbed the bag of ice, and began to totter off towards the workroom on unsteady, slim legs in a state of confusion.

*****

Elsewhere, Ryuk bounced off the fifth floor bathroom, having had no further luck with this bathroom as he had with any of the others.

END of Ch 4!

Author's notes: Well, here it is! I hope you guys like it, it really hurt to type—but, you all reviewed so well that I decided to get a new chappie out w See, reviewing does speed up the process! I think this one was pretty lame compared to the others; but, it was meant to be a transition chapter, so…

Hmm, what to talk about… Misa showed up! That'll be interesting XD

It turns out that L's theory of the gender-swap isn't exactly right—but it's close!

Matsuda turned into a girl! You'll have to wait to see what he looks like XD

Yes, Watari is a perv! But, it still isn't clear how L feels about him, hm…

Perhaps next chapter, some revenge will take place? D: Dun dun dun~!

Well, review my muffin-glomping-chihuahuas! Let me know what you think of it, and what you think will happen w


	5. Chapter 5

_Of Water and Curse Words Ch5!_

_**Important Info:**_ This is first and foremost a humor fic, so don't expect much romance, if any. Alrighty folks, here's what's happened:

**About the curse:** Ryuk messed around in the Shinigami King's bathroom, causing a curse to descend on any unlucky soul in the Kira Investigation HQ. For these cursed people, if they say a curseword, they de-age ten years, and if they hear a curse word, they age ten years. If cold water touches their skin, they change into the opposite sex, and warm/hot water will turn them back.

**Thus far in the story:** Watari is currently 28 years old, and a right old pervert. L and Light are their normal ages, but are still female. Misa has just made her appearance(oh joy D:) and Matsuda touched an icecube, turning him into a female, though we don't know what he looks like yet. Light and L are on their way to the workroom where the others are gathered, and Matsuda is making his way up to that same room…

**note:** Please remember, when using pronouns about the characters(he, she, him, her), I will speak of them as their original gender to avoid confusion. Ex: L looked down at his surprisingly heavy chest, quirking an invisible eyebrow at the sudden appearance of …boobs XD.

_**Of Water and Curse Words Ch 5**_

_Subtitle: Will it never end?_

Misa stood on her tip-toes and peered around the workroom, asking shrilly, "Where is Misa's Lighty-poo? He can't hide from her!"

Aizawa winced at the whistle-like voice, wondering how Matsuda had ever developed a crush on her, or even worse, how _Light_ put up with her.

Misa pursed her painted lips and placed her hands on her hips, "Where is Misa's Light?" she asked sourly, glaring around at the room.

The 4 men in the room shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what L would want them to say in this situation.

Misa huffed at the lack of response and entered farther into the room, her spiked heels clicking menacingly on the floor. She approached Mogi, standing nervously off to the side, and asked sweetly, "Has Mogi-san seen Misa's missing Light?"

Mogi sent an uneasy glance to Mr. Yagami, silently asking for help. Mr. Yagami shook his head 'no' violently, miming shooting himself in the head.

"Uh, Misa," Mogi said slowly, "Light…isn't here right now. Why don't you go back to your room and we'll call you when we see him?"

Misa gave a little giggle, "You are such a bad liar, Mogi-san!" Mogi sweat-dropped.

Turning from the quiet man, Misa called in a honeyed tone, "Oh, future father-in-law~!" and stalked over to Mr. Yagami, who promptly pushed Watari out from behind him and took his place behind the now-younger male.

Watari smiled nervously at the little blonde model, fearing her wrath. Upon seeing the man, however, Misa seemed to lose the ability to move; she stopped mid-stride and her mouth opened quite wide. One could say that she looked stunned.

Misa stood there staring at Watari for a moment more before seeming to snap out of her daze. She blinked a few times, then approached once more with a growing smile and twisting hands.

"Hello," Misa said as she came to stand a few paces before Watari, who looked confusedly down at the little model, obviously expecting a more viscous greeting, "My name is Misa Amane, but you can call me Misa-Misa!"

She stuck out a petite hand, and Watari, finally realizing that the girl did not remember him as the old butler/assassin, gave her a dazzling smile and swooped down to land a swift peck on her hand.

Misa giggled, her face turning pink, and fluttered her eyelashes in a surprisingly practiced way.

Mogi raised an eyebrow at Aizawa, who shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck in confusion. Mr. Yagami slowly backed away from the two to stand by Aizawa, glad for the distraction.

"Misa, that's a nice name." Watari said with a smile as he straightened himself, "I'm sorry, Miss Misa, but I do not know where Light is at this moment."

Misa asked confusedly, "Light?...OH! Yes, him! Are you one of his friends from college? You seem more… mature." She sidled up closer to the male.

*****

L walked down the nondescript corridors towards the workroom, the chain dragging on the floor as a downcast Light followed behind despondently. L, though stuck in his irritatingly female body(which still looked overwhelmingly like his former male body, besides the obvious breasts on his chest), was feeling considerably better after having put a bra on. Ah, the relief felt when gravity was taken out of the equation! XD

Light quickened his pace slightly and caught up to L. Leaning his head against L's arm, Light asked tiredly, "Do you think this day will ever be over?" L grimaced internally at the contact, and continued to walk, not answering the rhetorical question.

Walking slowly, the pair of geniuses reached the entrance to the workroom. A sudden loud laugh was heard from within the room, and L and Light exchanged bemused glances before pushing open the doors cautiously.

Looking into the room first, L's eyes widened even more than usual, and he whispered, "Watari…"

L turned robotically and made to and leave the just-entered room. Light, confused, asked loudly, "What? What is it?"

Heads from within the room turned, and Aizawa called grumpily, "L, Misa's here!" L jerked to a halt, Light bumping into the back of him.

"Misa?!" Light squeaked in terror. L clenched his hands a few times at his sides, and turned abruptly once more.

He breathed through his nose for a few moments, then, grasping Light's hand suddenly, walked briskly through the slightly-opened double doors of the workroom.

Ignoring the calls of greeting, L called, "Watari, go get me some tea!" and hurried across the workroom with Light to the pile of sugary desserts that was still occupying a good portion on his and Light's work stations.

L released Light and sat down in the pile of sugar, immediately grabbing a cream-filled donut. Light raised a delicate, auburn eyebrow at the odd behavior, chalking it up to a lack of sugar.

"L," Light said lowly, "what are we going to do about Misa? She's going to wonder where I am, and _who _I am!"

L took a bite of the treat and answered mechanically, "Misa is not interested in finding you right now."

"Huh?" Light asked, wondering whether L had finally lost it, "Uh, L, if you haven't noticed, Misa sort of… is obsessed with me."

L finished his donut in record time and moved on to a chocolate-dipped strawberry, stating blandly, "Those who obsess move on to other obsessions before too long."

Light narrowed his eyes, asking, "What does that have to do with this?"

L opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by a loud, "OH, there you are, L-san! Misa wondered where you had gone off t-"

Misa stopped mid-sentence when she saw the detective clearly. "L…d-did you…have a sex-change operation?" she asked faintly.

Light snorted in amusement, drawing Misa's attention to him. "Wait, who are you? And why are you chained to L instead of Light!?" Misa asked with growing anger and confusion.

"W-well, you see_" Light began unsurely, glancing at L for support.

Misa, however, cut him off with a shrill, "IS THAT MISA'S LIGHT'S SHIRT AND PANTS!?" and pointed to the now baggy shirt and pants that Light was still wearing from earlier that morning.

"U-uhm, I can explain!" Light flailed as Misa approached menacingly.

"Really?," Misa growled, grabbing Light by the collar and hissing directly into his pretty, terrified face, " Misa thinks that there is nothing to explain, seeing as Miss Stranger has seduced her Lighty-poo, stolen his clothes, given L-san a sex change operation, and chained herself to him while he was out from the medication!"

Light and L both blinked simultaneously at the sheer idiocy that Misa had just displayed. Though, her crack-whore-pot theory was a bit more believable than what actually happened…

Cocking her small fist while the two geniuses pondered her retardedness, Misa snarled, "No one touches Misa-Misa's property!" The model's fist shot forward, hitting Light's jaw with a surprisingly loud 'pop.'

"YOooooooowwww!" Light howled, bringing his own petite hands up in front of his face in an effort to shield against the crazy blonde's already raised fist.

"Misa," L's voice interrupted smoothly, drawing her attention away from the cowering Light still held by his shirt collar, "I believe that you are inflicting unnecessary pain on Light-chan."

"Wha—no, Misa would never hurt Light! Misa is just punishing this whore that stole Misa's- Oooooohhh…." Misa's eyes widened in realization as she looked back down at the terrified Light, noticing for the first time the striking similarity the strange girl held to her boyfriend.

"…Are you Misa's Light's estranged, flat-chested twin sister!?" Misa exclaimed in wonder, letting go of Light's collar.

Light fell to the floor, landing in L's pile of sugary treats. "Yeeuuccckkk!" Light groaned, sitting up from the two pies, eight donuts, two cakes, and an assortment of colored candies he had fallen in.

L, sitting two feet away from the sugar-coated and sweet-splattered Light, ignored Light's sugar-induced misery, instead focusing on a very mentally disabled blonde model. L pointed a jam-stained finger at Misa and stated monotonously, "You are an idiot and need to stop watching so many soap operas."

Misa frowned and replied hauntily, "Misa is highly intelligent, and soap operas happen to be very educational!"

L rolled his eyes and, reaching over to lick off the cream from the side of Light's face, said dully, "I'll just cut to the point—this girl right here, covered in my delicious sugar, is Light-kun, now Light-chan."

Light twitched as L licked a glob of sugar from his cheek and Misa screeched, "REEEEAAALLLLYYY!?"

Slightly worried that Misa did not stop to question how her boyfriend had been turned into the opposite sex, L watched in amusement as the hyperactive blonde started cooing and swooning over Light, treating him like a new pet hampster.

Misa swooped down on Light and wiped some cake off his left ear, crooning, "Aw, little girly Lighty-poopsky got cake in her prettiful hair! We'll just have to wash that out before playing dress-up…"

"W-what do you mean 'dress-up'!?" Light asked, panicked; he might be a girl, but he was still a boy, darn it!...sort of!

Misa gave Light an overly-sweet smile and simpered, "Misa has to make sure that her little Lighty-pumpkin is all purtiful! Oh, you'll love all the bows Misa has in her room!..." Light shuddered at that moment, Misa prancing around him like a kid at Christmas, realizing that Misa now viewed him as more of a life-sized Barbie doll than her boyfriend.

"L, please!" Light whined, Misa chattering about piercing his ears while she inspected his earlobes.

Snorting, L tossed a candy wrapper to the floor and stood to face the too-happy Misa and distraught Light, stating blandly, "Misa, we're working on a way to change Light-chan and myself back to our normal, male selves, so don't get comfortable with the new fun-sized Light-chan… and stop squealing, it hurts my ears."

Misa pouted, sticking out her lower lip and asking petulantly, "Why? Misa likes Light-chan this way—it's like the little pet sister Misa never had!" Light looked up, horrified, at Misa.

L, ignoring the idiocy in the air, replied dryly, "Because Light-chan does not wish to remain a female, do you Light-chan?" Light shook his head violently, the cake and treats in his hair splattering a five foot area.

L wiped the cream off his own face and Misa squealed in disjust. "See, Light-chan does not wish to reamin in his current form, so we must figure out how to go about-"

"Wait a minute!" Misa exclaimed, as if an she had had an epiphany, "They were trying to keep Light-chan and L-chan's gender switch a secret from Misa-Misa!" The blonde pointed accusingly at the team across the room, who were watching the three sweet-spattered girls intently. Very intently.

Misa looked confusedly at the men, asking, "Why aren't they running around in fear?"

L grimaced, knowing exactly why, but choosing instead to say, "They love sweets too, Misa." Light sat sadly on the floor, looking forlornly at his dry-clean-only shirt and pants that were now unrecognizable.

"Wrestle already!" Mogi suddenly called out. Everyone gawked at him, and he, obviously not realizing that he had vocalized his disturbing thought, continued to gawk at the gathered females.

One incredibly awkward pause later…

"Does anyone hear… yelling?" Mr. Yagami asked, frowning. Everyone stilled and listened intently… yes, there it was, a faint, high-pitched screaming and the sounds of a struggle. L frowned a tiny frown, knowing that the only other people in the building besides those gathered in the workroom would be-

"Matsuda and Watari," L almost groaned. Light and the other members of the team, slowly catching the meaning, hastened out of the room and into the hall, Misa following and looking intensely confused.

Once in the hall, the group paused, listening again.

"Aiiii~!"

"Down the right corridor!" Aizawa shouted, running forward.

Down two stories and eight halls, as the voices and banging seemed to be on the move as well, and the group finally turned the last corner, coming across yet another odd sight.

"WATARI! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU"RE _DOING!_?"

END

Jk! I like to mess with ya guys XD

"WATARI, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE _DOING_!?" Mr. Yagami's voice barked out, echoing in the long hallway.

Watari, very red in the face, a trickle of blood running from one nostril and the corner of his mouth, was on the floor, where he had evidently tripped in his chase of the young, fallen girl he had grasped the ankle of.

Not waiting to see the girl the young-old man was attempting to…who knows what….L, and Light due to the chain, charged forward in a flurry of sugar-plattered woman-rage. Running up to the man on the floor in a flash, L rolled him over with a swift kick, then successfully incapacitated him with another kick to the groin.

The handsome Englishman's eyes bulged, watering, and he let out a tiny squeak as he assumed the fetal position, releasing the ankle of the girl.

L glared down at the man, his angry-woman-rage already dissipating. His task accomplished, L and Light turned back to the team, who were busy…starring. Again. Could they do anything _besides _stare, L wondered dryly.

"Uhm, hi." Light said a bit self-consciously, giving a little wave, evidently thinking the men were staring once more at the chained duo.

L frowned, placing a thumb to his lips, and asked, "What?"

Silently, Aizawa raised his hand and pointed behind the two girls. L and Light turned around to behold a strange site—the girl Watari had been chasing had finally stood up, clutching a bag of ice and simultaneously confused and terrified.

L and Light also gawked at the newcomer, and Light breathed, "Oh, woooowww, she looks like a mermaid,,,!" And indeed she did, with tumbled-down wavy hair and an overwhelmingly feminimity surrounding her, though there was something strikingly familiar about her…

Looking slightly wide-eyed at the woman, L asked monotonously, "Matsuda…?"

The team members choked and gasped, and the beautiful girl bobbed her head in an all-too Matsuda-ish way. Apon closer inspection, she even had that same cowlic in her bangs as the goofy officer.

"I gots the ice for young-old-moustache-man," he mumbled in a disoriented voice, attempting to righten the clothes tha were practically slipping off his petite, curvy frame, "I tried to give it to him, but he was…creepy and tried to kiss me, so I ran… I never knew he was into guys." He added thoughtfully, clearly not knowing that he was no a female, and a pretty one at that.

The team blinked at the goofy girl. Matsuda smiled his cute little Matsuda-smile, 10 times cuter in girl form, and asked sheepishly, "Well, what should I do with the ice?"

"I'll take that!" Came Aizawa's voice, and he rushed forward eagerly to accept the proffered bag of ice.

L and Light dived out of the way as Aizawa came barreling towards a still dizzy Matsuda, blood streaming from his nose. He ran towards the female Matsuda, but tripped, crashing painfully into the still-dazed officer.

The bag of ice was tossed into the air, it's contents scattering across the hallway floor.

Aizawa was lying in a state of bliss under Matsuda. Matsuda smiled and mumbled into his afro, "Hey afro-man, I'm allergic to afros…"

L, his mind still sharp despite the enormous stress that day had thrown at him, quickly analyzed the situation—there were icecubes everywhere, and water had something to do with the gender switch he and Light had gone through, so thenthis—

"Stop!" L commanded, just as Mogi bent down to pick up an icecube. Mogi instantly stilled, but, at the angle he was bent, it was inevitable- he fell, and grabbing the pantleg of Mr. Yagami, brought him and Aizawa down with him. The three men landed on the icecubes, and forty seconds later, three pink clouds surrounded them.

END of Ch 5!

A/N: Well…? I left you with another cliffe! Muahahaha~! Dun dun duuuuuuuun~! Yeah, it took me forever to write this, and it's nowhere up to par…but you guys needed an update ^^'. Ah, so Misa loves Light in his girl form(hopefully not in a scary, perverted way). Watari is a perv…still, and Matsuda is pretty!—and was almost raped in his first five minutes of being a female! Oi, poor Matsu! Ah, more transformations! *grins evilly* And don't forget about cursing~! Huh, will they find out the cause of the gender-switch in the next chappie…? And will this day ever end for the poor investigation team?!

Lol, the next chapter will be… _interesting. _MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Please comment and I wuv yous :D XD


	6. Chapter 6

_Of Water and Curse Words Ch6!_

_**Important Info:**_ This is first and foremost a humor fic, so don't expect much romance, if any. Alrighty folks, here's what's happened:

**About the curse:** Ryuk messed around in the Shinigami King's bathroom, causing a curse to descend on any unlucky soul in the Kira Investigation HQ. For these cursed people, if they say a curseword, they de-age ten years, and if they hear a curse word, they age ten years. If cold water touches their skin, they change into the opposite sex, and warm/hot water will turn them back.

**Thus far in the story:** Watari is currently 28 years old, and a right old pervert. L and Light are their normal ages, but are still female. Misa has appeared and loves her new fun-sized Light. Matsuda's transformation into a pretty girl has been discovered just as Mogi, Aizawa, and Mr. Yagami land on spilled icecubes, causing three pink clouds to suddenly appear…

**note:** Please remember, when using pronouns about the characters(he, she, him, her), I will speak of them as their original gender to avoid confusion. Ex: L looked down at his surprisingly heavy chest, quirking an invisible eyebrow at the sudden appearance of …boobs XD.

_**Of Water and Curse Words Ch6**_

_Subtitle: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up…_

The three Matsuda-muddled men fell in succession, landing on the scattered icecubes spilled across the hallway carpet. Unable to stop the tumultuous change he suspected at some 89% to occur, the Detective and his suspect watched in mingled horror and curiosity as the men remained completely normal… until 40 seconds passed and- POOF! Three pink clouds surrounded the officers.

"Watch closely, Light-chan," L murmured, his eyes transfixed on the crucial information playing out in front of him.

"Don't need to tell me," Light answered just as quietly, training his eyes on the same strange scene as the big-busted panda next to him.

Both gender-jumbled geniuses stared as the pale pink smoke, so reminiscent of cottoncandy, dissipated from the stirring forms on the floor.

"Ugh, I think I hit my head…" came a moan as the last dregs of smoke departed.

L's eyes nearly bugged out of their socket, for in front of him were three women who looked, well, odd.

"EWW! Pug-uglies!" Misa's shrill squeal pierced the air as she arrived seemingly on cue.

Yes, ah… the officers, now female, were indeed unattractive. Mogi was the first to stand, his bulky form retained in his new female body, looking quite more like a 'Helga' or 'Gertrude' than a 'Mogi' now. She-Mogi bent and grasped the hand of the overly-stressed ex-police chief, hauling him up on creaky knees to reveal a slightly haggard-looking middle-aged woman—well, at least he didn't turn out more attractive than his wife… that would've been bad for their marriage.

Light stared numbly at his, ahem, unappealing father-mother-whatever, wondering not for the first time if he was a product of the milkman. The two unattractive men, now women, finally upright, looked at each other, and instead of the expected scream, the women sighed deeply. L breathed a sigh of relief that they, at least, were not emotion-addled now that they were female—speaking of which, all that left was Aizawa.

He cast his eyes about for the missing officer, finally landing on the figure attempting to righten itself. The man-woman swung his afro out of his eyes and looked bemusedly up at the detective, who-

"AII!" L quickly averted his eyes.

Light, hearing the detective's pained expression, looked around as well, only to meet the same sight as th—"WAH!" hands furiously clamped over his eyes.

"Do not look directly at it, Light-chan," L instructed, his eyes firmly looking off at a wall.

Stirring from the floor, Matsuda looked bemusedly around at the bewildered team, "look at wha?" he slurred, flopping his pretty head around to see what the mysterious disturbance wa-"UAH, IT BURNS!"

"Aizawa-san," L ordered from behind Light, "please go stand facing the corner until I call you back!" The rest of the cursed people assembled turned their attention to the afroed man, and-

"OH GOD!"

"AWAUH!"

"MISA'S EYES HURT!"

"IS THAT A FACE?"

The unspeakably ugly man, woman, whatever, not knowing his own monstrous appearance, simply did as he was told, wandering off to stand facing the far corner of the hallway.

Light shivered, "That was so…so scary."

L rubbed the balls of his hands against his eyes to remove the terrifying image of she-Aizawa, "Indeed."

The two of three newest male-turned-female addition looked expectantly at L while Misa tittered away in the background about all the 'ugly people' and Light crouched down to help the fallen Matsuda up.

"Do you have a theory as to how this happened?" Mogi rumbled, indicating himself and Mr. Yagami.

L bobbed his head, "yes, Light-chan and I were just discussing what the cause might be on our last bathroom trip-"

"Water is the key," Light quipped from the floor, having gotten Matsuda to at least sit up, the unconscious form of Watari lying forgotten some four feet away.

L continued as if never interrupted by the smaller genius attached to his wrist, "-and, given the tape of mine and his transformation plus what we have gathered from this most recent development of you three and Matsuda… I can only conclude that contact with-"

"COLD WATER!" Light shrieked from the floor.

"-cold water causes one to change to the opposite gender—or, at least, causes men to change into women." The detective ended thoughtfully, his thumb already poised on his lip as he entered thinking-mode.

Matsuda, by now mostly-with it and standing without assistance, bounced an icecube in his palm, think as well…

L's well-like eyes met Matsuda's thich-lashed ones, a moment of understanding passing through them,. aMatsuda casually cocked his thin arm, took aim, and- "OWWIE! Who hit Misa-Misa's pretty face?"

Misa held her hand over the small red welt left on the middle of her forehead by the 'innocent' icuecube.

All, with the exception of Aizawa(still in his corner of shame) and Watari(still dead to the world), stared down the wailing model, waiting to see if she too would undergo the strange transformation…

And, sure enough, a could appeared 40 seconds after contact with the icecube, though a pale blue this time. Within 5 seconds, the cloud disappeared, and L could feel himself fighting a grim smirk, Light giggling beside him…

"Urgh, what happened? Misa saw blue clouds, how…?" came a decidedly deeper voice, and there appeared from within the disappearing cloud in the crowded hallway and male figure stuffed into a skimpy raincoat, dirty blonde hair strangling around his face.

"M-Misa?" Light cackled, "Is that you?"

"Huh?" the model asked in confusion, tilting her head to the side in a usually successful attempt to look cute—except, this time it failed quite miserably. Misa, so pretty as a girl, was a very plain, and exceptionally wiry, young man lacking in the looks department.

L covered his snort of laughed with a cough, drawing everyone's attention away from the thin young man, "Alright, we now know that cold water turns anyone into the opposite gender, producing a colored cloud in response to which gender the person is changing into. Now, if this could be reversed, then the reasonable assumption would be that the opposite conditions are needed; instead of cold water coming in contact with the person, we would need –"

"FIRE!" Matsuda yelped in horror.

Forehead met palm as all geniuses in the vicinity face-palmed at the ever-excitable Matsuda's not unexpected theory.

"No," Light sighed, "not fire. Warm or hot water, I'm guessing?" he looked over at the other brainiac for confirmation.

"Yes, that is what I was thinking," L verified with a bobbing of his shaggy head, his bosoms bouncing carelessly now that there was a vast majority of females in the room.

… three seconds later, and there was a mad dash for the bathroom—in fact, it was the bathroom Ryuk was currently attempting to fly into…

END of Ch6!

A/N: Yeah, sorry about the wait—I was incredibly uninspired ^^ So, how was it? It was very short, but a lot actually happened plot-wise. Ah, the taskforce are smexy, no? ;) XD Poor Aizawa, so ugly that I could not even describe him—and Misa! Oh, she doesn't know she's a boy know—I wonder how that'll go down?

And now that the entire building, minus Watari, knows how to age, de-age, and gender-switch everyone, what kind of trouble will they get into…? MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAH AHAH AHAHA –wheeze- AHA AHA AH AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AH AH AHAHA AJAHAHA AHAHA AHA AHA A A A A A A A AS A ACHOO! O.o'


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